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NaPoWriMo - 03/30 - "Real Shit?"

REAL SHIT:
“This is some real shit….
Champagne on they asses
Dolce Gabbana glasses
Fistfuls of my cashes
Rims on my whip be causin lashes
No condoms; Only bastards
More gold than Roman Catholics
One puff, You better pass it
Or homeboy’ll need a casket”

REALER SHIT:
Champagne… is expensive…
My glasses are from Lens Crafters…
I have a rather unstable income…
I drive a 1993 Volkswagen Jetta with no hub caps…
Unsafe sex causes unwanted pregnancy… But I’ve heard sex is an enjoyable endeavor 
I have a rather unstable income…
I occasionally take 3 Nyquil gel-caplets rather than the recommended dose
I cried when Mufasa died in Disney's "Lion King" film... recently…

REAL SHIT:
“About to drop some real shit on y’all muh-fuckahs….
My rhymes are so tight, virgins be acting jealous
Chillin in the Vip gettin tip with the fellas
In Vegas stackin chips, no tellin what my tell is
Muh-fuckin street, my block is where the hell is
Movin kilos by the mi-los; I’m the muh-fuckah sellin
Pistol whip a hoe, Smith and Wesson on the melon
Versace in my laundry got all the bitches sweatin
Beatin pussy so hard, ASPCA call me a felon…”

REALER SHIT:
I write poetry in my bedroom before and after masturbating… 
I often spend excessively in various arcades with my good friends....
I often gamble online while eating frozen pizza rolls…
I’m from East Greenwich, Rhode Island which is suburban middle-class
I have a membership to Sam’s Club and Costco
I play Grand Theft Auto a lot at my Mom’s house…
Girls online say I’m quite the snazzy dresser
My online girlfriend’s name is Rachel… We met on AOL 12 years ago…

(Post Text Disclaimer: Please be aware that the preceding text is a complete parody. If you are a family member, I wish you didn’t read that... Please don’t stop loving me…)

Earlier Event: April 2
NaPoWriMo - 02/30 - "IKEA Coffin"
Later Event: April 4
NaPoWriMo - 04/30 - "...or idea"